Why Dating Is Bullshit

I am not one who enjoys feeling out of control. I like to be in the know, have all the information and to be able to predict what is going to happen. Dating gives me none of that and that’s one (of many) reasons I am not a fan of it. Frankly, dating is bullshit.

Lets start from the beginning, how you meet. I have a romantic obsession I’d meet my soulmate through a ‘meet cute‘. I am old enough (and ugly enough) to know that isn’t going to ever be the case. Not even down to the fact I am meeting people on an app but because stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. I blame Hollywood.

Meeting a compatible other half in real life has become increasingly more difficult. It’s highly unlikely I am going to meet a man I can take home to my mother in the local nightclub. All the tall dark and handsome men are never in my local nightclub, my local supermarket or even my local petrol station. They’re all on Tinder, so that’s where I went.

Meeting someone from the internet is still something I struggle to get my head round, which is funny as my life is so interest based. The expectation after chatting for awhile can be high, but you’ve only been able to stalk them online within limitations – what do you really know about this person? When you meet you’re either filled with disappointment or nerves, or both. I know I am not the only one to have experienced a “you don’t look like your photos” scenario.

What is it with men and their egos, attitudes and lack of brain cells when it comes to dating? Not just towards me but towards every female who has in recent months, told me their dating stories. When did it become normal to sleep with a woman and never call (I obviously mean text because that’s the only way men communicate) her again or lead a woman on to the point of feelings, only to drop her without a single word, reason why or even a text back. When did men stop taking women on romantic dates and just invite them round for ‘Netflix and chill’ or stop sending flowers and start sending dick pics? I ain’t ’bout that life girl. The amount of times I’ve been called the c-word since I started dating again insanely out weighs any time I was called beautiful, funny or interesting. Lets not even get into the discussion of the use of the word ‘peng’ to describe a woman.

If by some miracle in the deep pile of dating shit you find a man who is actually worthy of your time, what next?

Say you do meet a few times and get close, how does it work? Do you still see other people? When do you decide that? How do you decide that? When do you stop kissing and sleeping with other people? What are the rules? I know you’re probably thinking ‘you make the rules’, but if you make the rules… does the other person make theirs? You could be playing two completely separate games because no one wants to talk about ‘the rules’ first. I only say game because of the term rules, I am certainly no game player, have you witnessed me talking to an attractive man? Jeez, chaos.

After a few weeks of dating/talking/getting closer, when do you ask that person if you’re the only one they’re invested in? When do you bring this person into your life as a stable ‘relationship’ and actually tell friends and family about them? When do you let your guard down? The only thing you can ever do is just go with the flow and try to be chilled about it. Whilst having weekly mental breakdowns to your friends because he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive after a couple of months. I am good at ‘being chill’ on the outside but on the inside I am wondering if months into whatever the hell is going on, the romantic things he is saying to me, is he saying them to someone else?

I am aware some may read this and think I am another nut job girl but it’s not like I get to this point with every match I make on Tinder, cut me some slack. I won’t often get to the point where these questions come seeping in one by one because my guard is so high up that feelings are difficult to have. Therefore, you’ve got to consider every single question I’ve stated.

I’ve been ‘back on the market’ for awhile now and I feel like everything’s changed in terms of dating. I’ve had some crazy experiences already, but they’re stories for another time.

My main question is, where are all the kind, caring, thoughtful and funny guys? They’re not on Tinder, which is why I’ve deleted it, for now atleast. Online dating is bullshit but swiping left is addictive.

 

(Photo:@mattstravelblog)

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. July 15, 2017 / 10:10 pm

    I really like the phrase ‘meet cute’ , never heard it before but is a nice way of summing up those bs Hollywood scenes. Although tbf to Hollywood, who wants to watch two people meeting on an app? 🙂

    Very funny and sadly relateable post, had me smiling along. Makes me very glad to be out of the dating scene! (Oh and you are in no way ugly)

    • Hayley Joeann
      July 27, 2017 / 9:16 pm

      Thank you for your comment! I learnt about ‘meet cute’ from the film The Holiday! I adore it. Glad you could relate x

  2. Debs
    July 27, 2017 / 10:27 am

    I hear you girl!! When I was dating again, after being in an 8 year relationship, it was an absoulte mindfield but I believe you are coming into contact with the ‘modern man’ who cannot decide what they want or whether they are ready to commit, blah blah!!

    You will find someone, I used Tinder for a bit but it wasn’t until I took the plunge and moved onto a paid dating website that you really notice the difference and meet people who are actually serious about wanting a relationship. And your right, internet dating is the done thing now and no one meets someone in a club, pub anymore!

    • Hayley Joeann
      July 27, 2017 / 9:18 pm

      I think the thing with apps as well, is there is so much choice. Guys don’t give the time to get to know someone ‘cos they’re too busy looking for the next match. They’ll never know the great girls they’re passing up! I did contemplate paid sites because like you said, there’s a difference. Thanks for reading and commenting, means a lot xx

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